2. CARING STEPS 

(A) I Have Cancer... Here's What You Can Do To  
      Help 

In today's world, few of us will experience the pure innocence of not being acquainted with a cancer patient who is struggling to maintain a normal family environment while undergoing chemo & radiation therapies. The following suggestions are excerpts from a magazine article written by a young mother, who had just given birth to her third child, when she was diagnosed with a malignancy. Friends offered to help but frequently didn't know what to do or how to help. Often the mom didn't have the energy to educate the willing contributors. Here are some suggested answers to the question: What can I do? 

1. Offer to cook dinner for my family but be sure to offer us a choice for the entrée. It is also helpful to use disposable containers or clearly labeled dishes so they can be returned with a minimum amount of effort. 

2. Bake cookies or brownies and store in baggies in individual servings. They can be frozen and used in lunches or desserts for home. It will simply make me feel good to be giving my family home baked goodies. 

3. When you offer to help, be specific. Offer to clean the stove, do two loads of wash, clean the kitchen floor, or whatever. Be sure to set a mutual time that will work for both of us. Telling me to call if I need something is not adequate. 

4. Suggest babysitting for my children. This will give us parents an opportunity to cope in the privacy of our own home free of distractions. 

5. Offer to help with special holidays, birthdays and anniversaries by offering to pick up special cards, gifts, and wrapping paper to help make the task more manageable. 

6. Birthday parties are an important part of children's lives. Help by taking some pre-wrapped children's birthday gifts to have on hand for future parties. 

7. It helpful, when possible, to call before you visit. If an impromptu visit occurs, plan to stay 20 minutes and be understanding if it is not a good time and leave without hurt feelings. 

8. Ask if there is someone I might like to have visit and then bring them by. Also, keep plans you have made with me because I will feel less well and more debilitated than before if you cancel at the last minute. 

9. Take snapshots of my children during my debilitating months so I have permanent records of events I have to miss. 

10. Offer to do two seemingly meaningless errands a week. Small things, like buying postage stamps, or picking up dry cleaning fall by the wayside otherwise. 

11. Be the friend I can call who will allow me to cry or be angry or prepare for the worst. People have a tendency to always try to be uplifting, but it is important to have a good cry with an understanding friend. 

12. Bring your sense of humor when you visit. Jokes books are great to have around. I may not appreciate your story today but maybe tomorrow I will enjoy it. 

13. Don't be afraid to touch or hug me. The power of love is such a great healer. 

14. Offer to watch a television movie or video with me. I will be able to enjoy your company but not feel responsible for entertaining you. 

15. Don't be afraid to use the word cancer around me. Be sure to talk to me about what is happening in your daily life. This will allow me feel like a more active participant in living. Talking about things outside of home helps me feel more involved. 

16. Be sure to comment on how good I look considering how much I am going through. I need to feel attractive even though I know I am sick. 

17. Ask your husband to come watch a football game or work on a project in the evening with my husband. I need to know my husband has pleasurable moments and that my illness has not eliminated them all. I am happy when I know he is happy. 

18. Pray for me and tell me when you do as this helps me in my own faith. 

19. Look ahead to the future with me. Talk of next week, or next month, or years from now. Talk with me about graduations, weddings, and trips to help me get through the next week. The power of planning is an incredible incentive for me to look ahead. 

20. Talk with me about the abundant life that awaits me and is promised in the Bible. The Bible also tells us that in the midst of my illness, there is comfort. In the Bible we learn of Christ as the healer, the understanding fellow-sufferer. He offers comfort and holds me in the palm of his hand. Because you are here with me, and care so much at this time, I know how much he cares for me at all times.